Beat of My Heart
by SummerInTheCity
Summary: Um not really good at summaries but I can say thats it is TeganXSara.
1. Chapter 1

**This is the product of some very late night writing. Yeah I'm not the best writer but I try. For now heres just a light chapter to get things rolling. Thanks for reading!**

Sitting in class, I hold my chin with my left hand as to give the impression that I am actually interested in what the professor is lecturing. My dark sunglasses are surrounded by my major bed head as they hide my eyes that are watching my paper while my right hand lightly sketches a weeping girl, a rough draft to something I intend to paint later.

I suppose that I could just not care about looking like I'm paying attention and keep my head down, but I like to be sneaky even if I don't need to be.

Makes me feel like a ninja

Or a cat

A cat ninja

Yeaahh

I'm brought out of my dreamland of cats and ninjas when I notice a super cute brunette sitting in the row ahead of me shake her pen and reapply it to her notebook.

_Must be out of ink_, I think to myself

I simply sit and stare at this girl before finally mentally smacking myself.

_Idiot you have like 67 pens in your bag. Give her one!!!_

I hastily feel around my bag for a pen. Any moment now she could ask to borrow someone else's pen, or worse someone else could offer her _their_ pen.

I quicken my blind search through what seems like a bottomless bag.

At last I pull out a pen and check to see if she is still in need.

_I still have a chance!_ I mentally squeal. I don't know why I am so excited by this complete stranger but right now I don't really care.

I lean over and lightly tap her on her shoulder.

She turns around to face me and I give my best too-cool-to-really-be-interested look as I lazily hold out the pen.

My too-cool look melts into a stupid grin when she mouths "thanks" as she takes the pen and returns to her note taking.

I'm a little disappointed our fingers didn't touch but that doesn't matter right now because I'm still stuck on the quick view I got of her beautiful face, beautiful brown eyes and gorgeous cheekbones.

I spend the rest of the lecture staring at the back of her head secretly hoping that the pen I gave her would too run out of ink so I could give her another. I reach in my bag and pull out an extra pen just incase.

Class is over now and I get up to pack my things.

I feel a presence over my shoulder as I am bent over collecting my things.

"Ah so you weren't taking notes. That's why you were able to lend me your pen." the girl from before says as she picks up my rough sketch.

"Um yeah I guess I should pay more attention," I say, slightly startled by her.

She smiles slightly and hands me my paper as I stand up to face her.

"It's a beautiful picture"

"Oh it's just a rough draft, nothing too special," I say, trying to act nonchalant.

My stomach growls loudly. I haven't had anything to eat yet.

I try to laugh it off, "I'm starving"

The girl holds out her hand, "I'm Sara"

I smile and shake her hand. A wave of electricity runs between our fingers until I realized my hands are practically dripping with sweat and I pull away.

"Nice to meet you Sara"

"Likewise..um...what's your real name?"

"I'm Tegan"

_God I hate introducing myself._

"Kegan?"

_Well I guess she is kind of close_.

"_T_egan with a T "

"Oh, Tegan," she giggles

"A bit unusual but I like it"

"Ha ha thanks"

"Wanna grab a bite to eat? I know your stomach does," she says, poking my stomach.

I smile and nod my head, knowing that something good was in the future for us. Maybe it's the way my hands are all sweaty or maybe it was the way she smiles, but I know it's fate that lead us to meet today.


	2. Chapter 2

That day Tegan and I had lunch after we first met, we instantly became friends. It's amazing how much our friendship grew within just a few weeks. Normally it takes me a while to make new friends but with Tegan it's like a connection on a whole new level. The more we hang out the more it's hard for me to remember what life was like without her.

People sometimes mistake us for each other too. So far three of Tegan's friends have stopped me on the street or at school and asked about my new haircut. I really don't see that big of a resemblance between us and most people seem to agree with me.

I was walking home with a bag of baked goods when I noticed Tegan's apartment was nearby.

_Hmm I wonder what she's doing._

I quickly took a right and made my way to Tegan's place.

Standing in front of Tegan's door I couldn't help but feel my stomach flutter a little.

I gently knocked on her door and waited.

….and waited

I figured she wasn't home and started walking away then I heard a click and a door swing open behind me.

Tegan's head poked through the doorway and looked forward, then right, then left at me.

A silly grin broke over her face as she reached out and pulled me inside.

"Oh my god Sara hiiiiii. Listen listen I'm sorry I took so long. I got lost on my way to the door and and….do I smell cookies?!?!"

"Ha ha yeah I uh found this cute little bakery and I bough-"

"Ohh gimme gimme gimme. I'm starving!"

Tegan was now jumping up and down, arms outstretched and wiggling her fingers.

I handed her the bag and she tore it apart to get to the cookies.

As she stuffed her face I looked around her apartment, searching for what I knew must be here.

"Tegan"

"Mmph"

"Where's the weed?"

"hmf murf mmph"

Tegan swallowed her cookies and smiled.

"How did you know I had weed?"

"You're totally baked," I giggled

"That obvious huh?"

"I didn't know you smoked pot."

"Well I didn't know if you did either so I just didn't say anything…so uh…do you?"

"It's been a few years"

From her back pocket Tegan pulled out a joint and lit it. She inhaled and motioned me to go over.

I walked over and tried to mentally prepare myself.

_Okay Sara you can do this. Yeah it's been a while, just remember to inhale right and you won't look like a coughing idiot._

I thought I was ready, but nothing could prepare me for what happened next.

I stepped over to Tegan and started to reach for the joint in her hand.

She grabbed my hand and wrapped her other arm my waist, pulling me into her while still holding the joint.

Her body pressing into mine made my jaw drop and she took this opportunity to lock her mouth to mine and exhale.

I sucked in the smoke that fell from her lips and when my lungs were filled I slowly stepped back and looked in her eyes.

They were red and half open.

I was speechless but still managed to take the joint from her outstretched hand.

_I'm not going to over think this. She's high. She doesn't know what she did. It didn't mean anything. Fuck I hope it meant something._

I sat on the couch and tried to make sense of what I was feeling while I took another hit from the joint and before I knew it I had finished the whole thing.

I looked up and Tegan was lighting a bong and taking hits.

I joined in and soon we were giggling uncontrollably and falling over each other.

I sprawled out on the couch and Tegan stood up.

Silence

"Woah how long have I been standing here?"

"Ha ha like five minutes you dork!"

"Weirrrd"

I walked to the kitchen and grabbed a couple beers out of the fridge. I handed one to Tegan and we proceeded to drink a couple more, and a couple more, then who knows how far we went.

The more I drank, the more I wanted Tegan and by now I needed her badly.

We were on her bed playing monopoly. Somehow I was the hat and the shoe while she was a toothbrush that she grabbed from her bathroom. Apparently it was her good luck charm.

I must've been taking too long trying to figure out how much my income tax was because Tegan grabbed all the money and threw it in the air laughing and saying something about using monopoly money at a strip club.

We kicked the board off her bed and I pulled Tegan under the covers with me.

I snuggled up to her and she pulled me in closer and placed a kiss on my cheek.

I couldn't have been happier and I wished that I would remember all of it tomorrow, but for now what I needed most was sleep….and Tegan.


	3. Chapter 3

I woke up to the smell of bacon and soft sheets against my skin. I cracked my eyes open but retreated underneath the pillow when the blinding sunlight made me aware of my splitting headache. _Jesus what happened last night? _Fuzzy memories slowly dripped through a haze of confusion. _I remember monopoly and Tegan eating all the cookies. _I also remembered Tegan's lips on mine as we shotgunned the weed. _Her lips are soo soft. I wonder what else happened yesterday. _Really I was less concerned about yesterday and chose to concentrate on the present. There were a few things I needed to clarify with myself:

1. I was in Tegan's apartment – I like it here better than my place anyway.

2. I was in Tegan's bed – I like it here better than my bed too.

3. The sun needed to chill out – For realz.

4. I was not wearing pants – Could Tegan and I have had sex and I not even remember it?

_I hope I didn't do anything I'm going to regret. Not that sex with Tegan would be regrettable in any way but that would be moving kind of fast. I mean we haven't even really kissed yet...I think. What if we did make love last night? What then? Sure neither of us has even told each other that we are gay but it's been more of an understanding than something that needed to be discussed._

My thoughts were cut off when I decided it was time to get up and close the blinds. Keeping the pillow over my eyes I slowly sat up and stepped onto the floor. Pain exploded from my foot up to my head when I stepped on what I guessed to be a handful of monopoly pieces.

"Motherfucker!!!" I growled from between my teeth.

I sat on the floor and held my foot in my hands – somehow that seemed like the action to take to make it feel better.

"Sara? You okay?" Tegan had crawled on the bed and was now looking down at me.

"What happened?"

"Please, please close your blinds." I managed to whisper, eyes tightly shut.

She nodded, "sorry about that," then jumped from the bed, over me, and landed before the window. "Don't move. I'm going to cover the other windows."

I was able to relax once I was bathed in shadows. I looked around and saw how wrecked the place really was. Bottles littered the floor and nightstand while monopoly money covered most of the floor. However, the bedroom was nothing compared to the battlefield I saw out the doorway.

Tegan came back and scooped me up.

_Not fair. Where is her hangover?_

She expertly stepped over and around the debris on the floor then placed me on the couch.

"Here's the plan: we eat breakfast then get to work cleaning this mess up"

"If I eat I'm going to puke."

"Okay, new plan: I eat breakfast and then we start cleaning. I'll be right back."

Tegan left me sitting on the couch as she ventured through our mess to the kitchen.

"Meow"

"Tegan…"

"Yep?"

"When did you get a cat?"

"You know, that's a good question."

I was such a good girl just a few weeks ago. I hadn't smoke pot for a while. I didn't get drunk, trash apartments, then not remember anything the next day. Whose cat is this? And where were my pants?


	4. Chapter 4

I returned Mr. Wiggles to my neighbors upstairs and apologized for taking their cat. God knows how we got a hold of him. Sara was feeling much better and we were almost done with cleaning. She was scraping Oreo halves off the ceiling and I was washing dishes in the kitchen when in my teapot I found a blue Jolly Rancher - which is the holy grail of Jolly Ranchers for those of you that don't already know.

"Sweet!! I found a Jolly Rancher! A blue Jolly Rancher!" I sang as I did a little happy dance.

Sara looked over and I could see the jealousy in her eyes.

"Blue?! I want it!" she ran over to the kitchen.

"Nuh uh. You know the law. Finders keepers. Respect the law." I turned around and popped the candy in my mouth.

"That's bullshit."

"Whatever"

All of a sudden I felt Sara's legs wrap around me as she jumped on my back. Then a cold hand crept up my shirt and I let out a squeal when a saliva covered finger poked my belly button.

"Ew ew ew ew ew ewww!!!"

I lost my balance and we toppled over on the floor. Before I could sit up Sara pinned me down and gave a devilish smirk. She was still only in her underwear and shirt and I found it was increasingly hard to look her in the eyes.

"Give me _my _Jolly Rancher."

"Too late, it's in my mouth and it's not _your _Jolly Rancher."

"We'll see about that."

She leaned down and licked my bottom lip then pulled back. I accidentally let out a small whimper when she pulled away. She leaned back in, this time forcing my mouth open with her tongue. My brain shut down and I was helpless as she swirled her tongue around mine. She rolled her tongue around the hard candy and retreated back into her own mouth with her prize. Sara hopped to her feet and bounced away, leaving me breathless on the floor.

_Who does she think she is pulling a stunt like that? I'll show her two can play at that game._

I got up and quickly caught up to her. I grasped her hand, spun her around, and pushed her against the wall. I kissed her as I pushed hard into her hips. She let out a gasp and I took the chance to slip inside her mouth. Just as quickly as I entered I pulled out with _my _Jolly Rancher. Feeling victorious, I gave Sara a quick kiss and walked away.

Walking with my back to her I said, "We have class soon and I'm going to take a shower. You can too when I'm done. Also you can borrow some of my clothes to wear. And by the way if you're wondering where your pants are; last night you opened the window and yelled PANTS OFF DANCE OFF to the people on the sidewalk. Then you threw your pants out the window, cranked some Basshunter, and danced your ass off."

"I'm going to pretend you didn't say that."

"Do what you have to but you should know that I got it all on video."

"What?!?!"

"Just kidding"


	5. Chapter 5

I was getting ready for my friend Tom's surprise birthday party, keeping in mind that Sara would be there. I had to make sure I had the upper hand tonight. Our innocent flirting has turned in to an all out competition of who can turn the other on more and I can't wait to make her cave first. After unbuttoning a couple more buttons than necessary and taking one last look in the mirror, I felt like I was ready.

I entered the party and immediately scanned the place for my brown eyed girl. I even asked a couple people if they had seen her but she hadn't shone up yet. It was almost time for Tom's surprise and I was worried that she wasn't going to show after all. Even as I talked to people I stole glances towards the door.

"Okay everyone Karen just texted and Tom is almost here!" someone announced over the crowd.

We sat silently in the pitch black darkness waiting to yell surprise. A shiver ran down my spine as I felt soft kiss being placed on my neck from behind.

"Sara?" I whispered.

"Surprise!!!" The lights illuminated and Tom stood shocked in the doorway. I quickly spun around but no one was behind me. I took a double take of the party and still no Sara to be seen.

_What the fuck just happened? Maybe I just imagined it. Maybe…_

I really needed to calm down. I located the bathroom and spent a couple minutes splashing water on my face and cooling off. _If that girl can get me this flustered without even being here then I have no chance._ Finally getting my confidence back, I left the bathroom and tried to get my mind off Sara by chatting with Nicole. We were the only two in the room because everyone was swarmed around the cake that was just brought out in the kitchen.

Nicole was telling a fascinating story about something I don't remember because out of the corner of my eye I caught Sara in tight jeans and a low cut tank top slip out of the crowd of people and walk up behind where Nicole was sitting and talking. She stood behind Nicole and held her piece of cake in one hand while she gave a small wave with the other. I almost opened my mouth to make up a lie that would get Nicole to leave but I got distracted when Sara decided it was time to continue our little game.

She used her finger to scoop up some of the vanilla icing off her piece of cake. My head was turned to Nicole as she rambled but my eyes were fixed on Sara. Her pink tongue licked icing off the top of her finger before she stuck it in her mouth and with her eyes closed slowly pulled it out. This was pure torture but I wasn't about to give up.

"Hey, Sara," I smirked. Nicole turned around and Sara fumbled with her fork, pretending that she wasn't just trying to seduce me while Nicole wasn't looking.

"Oh hey Sara. How's the cake?"

"It's really good. If you want some you should go grab a piece now before it's gone."

"Oh yeah I think I will. It was nice talking to you again Tegan."

"You too Nicole," I smiled and made sure she was gone before turning all of my attention to Sara.

* * *

This was going to be too easy. I was confident that I could conquer Tegan once and for all tonight. I swiped some more icing off my cake, this time with two fingers. I was about to put them in my mouth when Tegan grabbed my wrist and took both of my fingers in her mouth instead. She used her tongue to split my fingers apart then she sucked them back together. I had to bite my lip to keep myself from letting out a groan. When the icing was all gone she looked up at me before finally releasing my fingers. _This is going to be harder than I thought._

* * *

I could tell Sara was struggling to keep her mouth shut before I pulled my mouth off her fingers.

"Getting wet yet?" I asked teasingly.

"Oh you wish." – So true

"I'm thirsty let's go find the drinks."

I accompanied Sara and we were almost to the crowd when she "accidentally" dropped her fork (that she never used with her cake). She bent down and well I couldn't help but steal a quick peek.

_Sweet Jesus is that a G-string?? She is totally wearing a thong right now. _The temperature inside immediately seemed to get ten degrees hotter. She stood up and continued further inside while I trailed behind her. She grabbed a beer and handed me one too.

"When did you start wearing thongs?" I asked in a hushed voice.

"Why are you so interested in underwear?" she shot back.

"I'm not. That's why I'm not wearing any." I couldn't help but smile because it was true.

"You're bluffing."

"I can prove it."

Sara hesitated for a moment before responding.

"Okay then, prove it."

I didn't think she was actually going to make me prove that I was going commando.

"Well I can't very well do it here now can I?"

"You said you could prove it."

"Before the end of the night. I promise." And with that I left her so I could go think of how I was going to pull this off.


	6. Chapter 6

**Sorry for the delayed update. I was really dreading this chapter and the next (which will hopefully be up soon). Thanks for reading!**

I had a couple drinks in me and I was having a nice time mingling with everyone. Sara looked like she was having a good time too. We stole occasional glances at each other but other than that our interactions had ceased. Sara wasn't the only person that was looking at me. There was a blonde in a group of people behind her who I caught looking my way when I turned to make eye contact with Sara. She was cute and it was nice to not be constantly thinking about Sara.

Getting a little bored with the party, I walked out on the porch. Rain lightly pounded on the ground and I wondered how long it's been since it started. I closed my eyes and lifted my head, taking in the sweet smell of the night mixed with fresh rain. I heard the door open and close behind me.

"I hope you don't mind me following you out here." I opened my eyes to find the blonde girl from inside standing a few feet from me; she looked out at the rainy night, then back at me. I didn't break my gaze as I reached into my pocket and pulled out a pack of Marlboros. I placed a cigarette between my lips and offered her one too and she silently accepted.

"I'm Tegan." I said looking down as I held the flame of my lighter to my cigarette. I took a puff before giving the blonde a light.

"Audrey," she exhaled.

The rain started to pour. It had a rhythm to it, a pulse.

"I saw you looking at me," I wasn't sure where I was going with this.

"What can I say, you're gorgeous. I couldn't help myself"

Her forwardness made me chuckle softly and she smiled. We smoked in silence for a minute before she spoke up.

"I know we don't really know each other," she edged herself next to me and spoke into my ear, "but I think we could."

_Very forward indeed_

"You seem like a great person but I can't, I - I" I searched for the right words.

"You're straight? Could've fooled me"

"No that's not it-"

"Ah I see, girlfriend."

I was at a loss for words. Was Sara my girlfriend? We never talked about those kinds of things. We just did what felt right. I wasn't even sure if I wanted a girlfriend…

"Well…" She looked at me expectantly but her voice wasn't demanding.

I sighed deeply and shook my head.

"I don't know. I just don't know what to think anymore."

She leaned in and placed a kiss on my lips. It was quick and actually somewhat of a let down.

"What do you think about that?"

I didn't really care about her, nor did I want this to go anywhere but I kissed her back anyway.

_Why am I doing this? I know Sara is the only one I want. Maybe it's all the sexual frustration that's been building inside me. Yeah that's it. If I just let some out I will feel better._

We continued kissing and it wasn't anything spectacular, but then again, she wasn't Sara.

* * *

I smiled as I looked over Tegan's way but she was nowhere to be seen. I was sure I would've caught her leaving the room if she went to the bathroom or something. My stomach felt like it tied into a knot. I was getting worked up over nothing. Some fresh air would do me good. I opened the front door and stepped into the cool night air. Unfortunately I also stepped in front of something that made the knot in my stomach double itself.

I did find Tegan. I also found some skank sucking Tegan's face. I felt my composure about to fall apart but I pulled myself together enough to clear my throat. Skankface looked at me then back at Tegan who suddenly found her shoes very interesting.

"Oh I see," I heard her mumble. She walked past me and back into the house. My eyes were fixed on Tegan. She refused to meet me eye to eye.

"Sara"

"Tegan I'm not in the mood for whatever excuse you have right now."

"I'm sorry."

"Yeah, me too" I started down the steps into the rain. Tegan grabbed my hand.

"Wait Sara we can sort this out."

I slid my hand out of her grip. "Don't touch me." I grumbled angrily.

I walked out into the rain without any idea of what I was doing.

"Come on Sara you're going to get sick out there" I just continued down the sidewalk hoping that I could catch the bus home. I could hear Tegan sprinting through the puddles behind me.

"Just listen to me for a second!" I ignored her.

She spun me around. "Goddamnit Sara!" Her voice was desperate and cracked when she yelled out my name. She was soaked to the bone, we both were. Her shirt stuck to her body and her hair clung around her face. It was hard to tell if she was crying but I knew I was. When did that happen?

"What am I to you? Your girlfriend? A toy that you can wind up whenever you want and play with? Because you can do whatever you want with me." Yes she was definitely crying now. I stood speechless. "And, and I want you, please Sara I want you so badly."

"Then why were you feeling up that skank," I said coldly.

"I don't know, it was just something to do and I regret it. Please let's just forget it happened." She took my hands in hers.

I looked at our hands then back up to her. I tried to read her through the rain that fell between us but I didn't know what I was looking for. I slowly pulled my hands away and turned around to brave the rain. I felt Tegan's eyes on me as I walked to the bus stop. If I was right then the bus would conveniently be here any minute now, and it was. Before I got on I looked into the rain and saw who I was sure to be Tegan watching me from afar. Without a second glance I climbed into the bus dripping wet and cold. I sat in the back and tilted my head to press up against the window. As the bus traveled I looked at streetlights as they were passed and thought about what just happened.

I could've easily forgiven Tegan. I wanted to but I just felt so…hurt. I couldn't explain it. She had every right to do what she did. We never decided we were together. It wasn't my place to tell her who she could and could not be with. I was just so damn scared that she would want someone else. I was afraid to take the next step with her because I was terrified of getting hurt. Look where that got me. Now I'm sitting cold and wet in a bus with an aching heart that can only be fixed by the very girl I pushed away.


	7. Chapter 7

That night when I chased after Sara to the bus stop I cried. I sniveled trudging all the way back to my apartment in the rain. Tears rolled down my face as I peeled my wet clothes off and threw them wherever. When I stumbled over my jeans and fell to the floor I sobbed. I bawled as I practically crawled to the bathroom. I wept when I climbed into my bathtub and fell asleep. I dreamt about holding Sara's tiny body tightly, never letting go and burst into tears when I woke up to find it was all a lie. Quickly I pulled myself together. I hadn't cried in years and now I was a fucking baby that had its blanket taken away.

Sleeping in the tub was hell on my body. I carefully brought myself up, everything was stiff. My neck was in knots and my knees were weak, but I was just grateful I wasn't sick from being out in the rain. I made a conscious effort to avoid looking in the mirror, afraid that it would break me and I would be a sobbing mess again.

Stepping out of my temporary sanctuary, I found that it was still dark outside. Moonlight spilled into my apartment, illuminating memories of precious time spent with Sara. I forced down the images and bent over to fish my phone out of my jeans. 3:47 and no messages. I didn't want to go back to sleep for fear of sweet dreams/nightmares, they will all end up with me opening my eyes to search for someone that isn't there.

It was time to get over my pathetic existence and put some clothes on. I gathered my damp clothes from last night and brought them back to my bedroom where I started to get dressed. Feeling better, I slipped a dark blue t-shirt over my head and walked through the darkness to the fridge. Light flooded the little kitchen and I scanned the interior through squinted eyes. A small smile played over my face when I finally recognized a familiar baggie sitting at the bottom of a pitcher of lemonade, which Sara made because when I did it the lemonade "looked disgusting and tasted like Texas Pete" – this was my first experience where hot sauce did not make something better. I didn't question why my pot was lying at the bottom of the lemonade; I simply stuck my arm in the cool yellow drink and pulled out the baggie.

Swiftly from experience, I rolled a couple joints, zipped up the baggie, and dropped it back where I found it. Then I carried my joints through my apartment, picked up a lighter, and walked out to the balcony.

Looking out over Vancouver with the wind blowing through my hair made me feel alive. I blew smoke rings into the early morning until both joints ran out. Eventually the munchies wormed their way to my stomach and I spent what felt like at least five minutes trying to open the sliding door. Once inside, I was unsuccessful at tying my shoes so I opted for flip flops and was on my way.

Thoughts of Sara didn't bother me as much as I anticipated, this was a good sign. I contemplated what action I should take to get her to forgive me as I waited in line. Thank God for 24 hour McDonalds. Now it was my turn, I already had my order ready.

"Hello? C'mon I'm starving over here!"

"Oh uh didn't know you were there. Sorry."

"Okay pay attention this order is imperative. I need three hash browns, two egg McMuffins, and hotcakes." I thought for a second but was sure that was everything.

"Would you like anything to drink with that?"

_Damn he's good. I never even thought about a drink._

"Uh…uh," my mind was blank, "surprise me." I had won his silly game.

"Oh um okay then."

I waited patiently for my food and was delighted when I was presented with my paper bag filled with edible goods. The cashier gave me a funny look and wouldn't fork over the bag.

"Ma'am do you know that you're in the drive-thru?"

"Yeah, so?" I was growing impatient with this interrogation.

"You aren't in a car."

I looked around and sure enough the kid was right. It was five in the morning and I was standing in the McDonalds drive-thru. That was when I realized that I didn't even own a car. It also dawned on me that I didn't bring any money. I must've been standing there staring into space for a while because the cashier boy's expression was more confused than the first time I looked at him.

Quickly I snatched the bag out of his hands and made a run for it like the mad woman I was. I made a 360 degree turn when I noticed I had forgotten my drink. The boy still stood there dumbstruck with the window open. He stepped back as I leaned through the window, grabbed my drink (an orange juice) and took off down the sidewalk.

I collapsed on a bench in the park where I opened my bag and began to satisfy my munchies. The sun was rising and I could feel myself coming down slowly but surely. I spent a couple hours enjoying the city, observing all the early people that I never usually saw. Stopping by my apartment I picked up some money before I headed back outside to venture to a nearby florist shop. In the store I purchased a dozen roses. I would need to put in more hours at work (I worked part time as a receptionist), but Sara was worth every penny. I left the small flower shop and headed out for Sara's place. Nervousness seeped into my mind but there was no time for that nonsense. I would ask Sara to forgive me and be my girlfriend. I fucked up and now it was my job to do things the right way.


	8. Chapter 8

**Sorry for the late update. I'm going to use my other story as an excuse and I'm going to really try to balance the two so there are fair updates. No promises though.**

Sara lived in a huge fantastic house with an unknown number of roommates. New people seemed to be around every time I was there, eventually I stopped trying to keep track. I resorted to calling all the guys Bill and all the girls Jill. The house was a mini mansion and incredibly intriguing. A partially rusted small chain link fence surrounded the front with a gate in the middle. The lawn was wild with weeds, uncut and untamed. Evidence that gravity had taken its toll on the porch overhang showed by the downward curve centered above the front door. Upon closer inspection one can observe the poems, pictures, and quotes that are etched into the wood of the porch and sides of the house. A tire swing hung from a grand tree next to a flock of plastic lawn flamingos. This place never ceases to amaze me. I climbed over the short fence and fell on my ass in a patch of dandelions. I collected myself and started to wade through the overgrown lawn. I almost made it to the porch before I recognized Valerie pacing the porch almost like she was guarding the front door. Valerie was extremely tall, all muscle, furry, and greatly intimidating. I was particularly scared because Valerie was also much like a big brother to Sara. I remember once Sara asked if I could grab her a soda from the fridge and I jokingly refused to get it until she licked her elbow for me. I was then "escorted" by Valerie to the kitchen. Although her freakish strength was very impressing, my Violent Femmes shirt is still stretched beyond repair. From then on I knew that I had to be cautious around this woman. I figured that I could possibly evade the guardian of the door and find another way inside. I dropped to my stomach and began to army crawl my way through the grass that easily covered me. Really I couldn't tell where I was going but it was better than a confrontation with Valerie. The dozen roses I purchased to give to Sara were cautiously handled so they didn't get any more ruined then they already were from my nervous fist clenching. I gulped when I felt a familiar heavy hand grab the back of my collar and hoist me out of the grass. Looking around I noticed that I had somehow not made any progress; I just went sideways in the grass. Then, still dangling by my shirt, I was turned around to find myself nose to nose with, well you know who.

"Ha ha hey girl what's shakin'?" I gave my best "Please don't hit me like a piñata, pretty please" smile. Valerie grunted in disapproval.

"Sara came home crying last night. What did you do?" she demanded.

"You know Valerie it saddens me that you would jump to such conclusions." Lying was better than getting pounded into the ground under her spiked boots. She responded with shaking me until she felt like I was ready to tell the truth.

"Okay, okay look yes it was my fault she went home crying, but I'm here to apologize." I held up the roses, "See look these are for her." Valerie looked at me, then at the roses, then back at me.

"How can I trust that you won't make her come home crying again?"

"Because…" now wasn't the time to make jokes. I had to say it for myself not for Valerie, "because I love her." I wasn't unsure that she couldn't hear the sincerity in my voice and see the honesty on my face. I was released from Valerie's kung fu grip only to fall on my ass again but I managed to save the roses.

"Gee thanks" I muttered under my breath.

"What did you say?" Valerie snarled.

I ran to the door before Valerie could get her beefy hands on me and locked it once I made it safely inside. Moving up the stairs to Sara's room, I passed many new faces.

"Hey Jill, looking nice today. Bill what's up? Catch the game last night?" the looks I got were priceless and I was getting increasingly good at keeping a straight face.

When Sara's room was in sight something inside me changed. _C'mon Tegan quit fucking around. This is serious._ I took a deep breath to bring myself back down to planet Earth before I knocked on Sara's door. No answer. _Maybe she's ignoring me, I don't blame her. No she doesn't even know I'm here._ I knocked again then after no response I pressed my ear to the door. I wasn't about to invade her privacy uninvited but I knew she had to be in or else Valerie would've kicked me off the property. A shower and maybe the music of a radio could barley be heard through the wood of the door. I decided it would be best to wait outside but I slipped in Sara's room for a split second to place the roses on the corner of her bed and leave just as quietly as I had entered. I took a seat beside her door and before I knew it I had drifted off to sleep.

* * *

Hot water cascaded down my body and relaxed my tense muscles as I took a much needed shower. My Ipod was plugged in and Tomorrow Comes Today by Gorillaz melted through the speakers. I nodded to the beat as I finished washing myself. After I got home from the party I did some thinking and came to the conclusion that although I wasn't 100% clear on Tegan and my relationship, I knew that I didn't want to lose her. I was going to have to work to get the courage to talk things out with her. At times Tegan could be immature and lazy with a tiny hint of madness, but she was my immature, lazy, gorgeous, talented, sexy… what was I thinking about? I turned the water off and grabbed a towel. Dried and wrapped in a towel, I turned off my music and left the bathroom.

Cool air against my skin made me shiver and I pulled my towel tighter around my body. I got dressed and brushed my hair before I spotted through my mirror something on my bed. I turned and walked over to what I recognized as a dozen somewhat squished roses. If they weren't squished I wouldn't be so sure that Tegan had left them.

* * *

I woke to a familiar feeling of soft lips on my neck, making me shudder. I couldn't quite put my finger on where I remembered this feeling from. _Déjà vu_. I lifted my head and quickly wiped the drool from my mouth when I realized whose lips had woken me up.

"Sara I'm so sorry. I can't begin to tell you how badly I feel and-"

"No I overreacted. We never decided that we were together, it's okay." _God this girl breaks my heart._

"But, but," I took Sara's hands and instantly regretted my actions when I remembered our moment in the rain. "I want to be with you, only you, and you have to believe me when I say that you are the only girl I want because you are. I want to know you. I want to do things right. I want to share childhood stories and take you to dinner, and dance with you, and, and-" I was cut off by Sara pressing her lips to mine. Momentarily forgetting how to kiss I sat there drinking in the sweetness of her lips. I regained a decent enough state of mind to be able to move my lips with hers, reaching up to hold her face in my hand. I protested slightly when Sara pulled away.

"Tegan, be my girlfriend?" My mouth hadn't caught up with the rest of my body so I vigorously shook my head yes and grinned at my girlfriend. Sara was amused by my behavior and giggled.

"And I'm serious about doing things right" I said sternly. "Dinner and dancing"

Sara nodded in agreement, "Dinner and dancing. When?"

"Tonight. I mean if that's okay with you."

"I'm fine with tonight. But uh Tegan…"

"Yeah?" I looked in her eyes worriedly.

"Why are you covered in grass stains and why is your shirt stretched that way?"

"…..Valerie…" I mumbled

"Ahahahahahahaaa!" Sara was on the floor laughing at my misfortune.

"She's a beast!!" I exclaimed

"You better watch yourself missy" Sara teased

"You're the only one I'm watching" I winked. This sent her into another fit of laughter.

"Well fine then, I'll see myself out." I stood and headed down the hall.

"Maybe you can get Valerie to show you to the door, ahahaha!" I chuckled to myself but I wasn't about to let Sara see.

"Wait! What time is dinner and where?" she had gained her composure now.

"I'm not there yet. I'll text you later"

"Okay bye!!"

A renewed sense of self filled me as I walked onto the porch.

"Tegan!!!"

_Uh-oh._

I made a run for it, Valerie not far behind. I tumbled over the fence, disregarding the gate and continued down the street. I had no time to deal with Valerie. I had a hot date later and needed all the time possible to get ready.


	9. Chapter 9

**This is it! The end! Hope you all enjoyed. If your bummed about it ending just think of it as more time for other stories, I'm going to start a new one soon (hopefully). So yeah thanks so much for reading!**

"No"

"No"

"No"

"Ew fuck no, why do I have that?" I cringed at the awful floral print…dress? Was that what they call a dress? It was scary that's all I know.

The entirety of my closet was in mountains on the floor. I searched through the madness for the outfit I was going to wear one my date with Sara tonight. A not too fancy but still very nice restaurant meant that I needed to look decent tonight. Feeling overwhelmed, I nestled myself in one of my mountains and rested my eyes. I had gotten about four hours of sleep the previous night, in a cramped little bathtub no less. _Why did I do that?_

3 hours later 

_Mmm I really needed that quick nap. _

I stood yawning while scratching my head and taking note of the time,

_Let's see how long I have left before it's time to meet Sara at the restaurant...twenty minutes ago. Shiiiit_

I couldn't believe what a fucking idiot I was. I screwed up everything. I dove into my piles of clothing, pulling out a mint green button up shirt and a tie to go with it. I tore off my current shirt and slipped the new one's sleeves on. The elevator would have to suffice as a dressing room. My shaky hands worked to match up the buttons as I tried to get the least amount of saliva possible on the tie in between my teeth. Stares from fellow passengers were the least of my problems. My feet couldn't move fast enough down the sidewalk and my fingers wouldn't stop tangling up when I attempted to put on my tie. Between irregular gasping breaths and stumbling over small children, I assured myself that there was a reason for all this.

* * *

It is incredibly embarrassing to sit alone in a nice restaurant waiting forty minutes for someone to show. All the couples were having their romantic candlelit dinners and I couldn't stand my current loneliness any more. I gathered myself and walked out. _I should've known better. It seems like longer but wasn't it only yesterday she was kissing another girl at the party? I'm done with Tegan and her bullshit. _I started walking back the direction I came and less than five minutes passed before I could see some maniac running in the distance.

It was Tegan, a heavy breathing, limbs flailing, lunatic. She would've shot right past me if I hadn't grabbed the back of her collar. She jerked forward before a weird choking sound came from her throat and her ass hit the ground. I picked her back up and shook her by the shoulders.

"Tegan you idiot where have you been? Do you know how long I was waiting for you? You better have a good excuse." I let go of her.

"I….uh…I fell asleep." She shuffled her feet and avoided my eyes.

"You fell asleep!" I started to shake her again but I restrained myself.

I sighed, "So I guess you didn't purposely not show up"

"Yeah right right! I'm sorry. Can we just forget about it and start over? You look nice by the way." She gave her classic grin.

"Yeah let's start over, but have you looked at yourself in a mirror?" Tegan's hair was sticking in all directions. The buttons on her shirt were all mismatched and her tie was in some kind of mega knot. She shook her head no and I got to work. I fixed her hair as much as I could and she managed to fix her buttons.

"Tegan what on earth did you do to this tie? I can't even get it off" After several tries, the tie was deemed impossible to untie. We entered the restaurant, me for the second time, and cut through the tie with a knife. Everyone was looking and Tegan's face was a tomato. I however was unaffected by now of all embarrassment, especially knowing with Tegan here it was unavoidable. We finally sat down and things were running smoothly for once…or not. Tegan would not stop fidgeting and tugging at her collar.

"Tegan what's wrong?" I whispered over the table. She bit her lip and looked at me then at the menu then back at me.

"It's really hot in here. Aren't you burning up? And the menu is in French. Sara do you know any French?" a look of panic crossed her face.

I couldn't help but giggle at how cute she looked. "Calm down, c'mon I have an idea." I grabbed her by the hand and lead her outside. I was fed up with acting like something we weren't. A few blocks away was a cute ice cream shop on the beach. We took our cones and walked alongside the water.

"I'm sorry" Tegan gloomily licked her ice cream.

"You sure do apologize a lot." _How can she not know that I accept and love her as she is?_

"It's just, I wanted this night to be special and I've screwed up everything like always."

"Come here" I put my arm around her waist and pulled here closer to me. "I want some of your ice cream"

Right when I was about to take a lick, she pulled her cone out of my reach. "Hey if you wanted chocolate you should've gotten your own."

I growled playfully then reached for her ice cream and replaced it with my own. "No! I don't want your stinky vanilla." She wiggled out of my arm and switched our cones.

"Well let's see, who waited forty minutes for YOU to show up?"

"…you….you can have my ice cream." She held her cone out with her head down.

"Aw listen Tegan, I'm kidding. I'm having a really good time."

"Really?" she looked up.

"Of course! Don't you get it that it doesn't matter to me what we do or where we are, as long as I'm with you I couldn't be happier."

"You're too sweet you know that?" Tegan pulled me in for a big hug. While hugging she managed to wolf down the rest of her ice cream with out me noticing, very impressive. I chucked my own partially melted vanilla.

We were mid romantic beachside walk when Tegan turned to me and held my hands as she stared in my eyes. "Sara, will you be my girlfriend? It's not going to be glamorous and I'm going to make mistakes, but I promised dancing tonight and it's too damn depressing to dance alone." I sealed my answer with a kiss to which she gladly returned with passion.

We danced under the moon to the rhythm of the waves until our legs grew weak. Tegan sat on the sand and I on her lap with my legs wrapped around her. I swiped my tongue across her bottom lip and she granted me access to her mouth. As I explored, I slipped my hands into her back pockets. I paused and pulled back to meet eyes with a confused Tegan. Before she could say anything I pulled a hand out of her pocket and held a joint in front of her face. "Well well what do we have here?"

"Ha I didn't even know I had that." She took the joint from me, placed it in her mouth, and lit up. "You know," she exhaled and handed me the joint, "stargazing stoned is the only way to stargaze."

And that's what we did. On our backs, on the cool sand, hand in hand, giggling and pointing at the stars that lit up the ocean.


End file.
